Do you know that I was going to buy my mum some shopping using Tesco home delivery, but all their delivery vans are booked up. Shit eh? I tried ASDA but they’ve nothing either. This means I’m gonna have to carry 12 tonnes of shopping back across the moors much like Superman might. Luckily I am Superman (at least when it comes to table football) so it’s all fine.

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Apparently they use a piece of software called Flash, which enables various layers of animation to be created. This is great for creating effects like snow – which featured in quite a few of the Christmas ecards I saw.

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So what are these global hotspots for wedding venues that I speak of? I don’t know, maybe Las Vegas if you really want to be tedious. Or just get a cheap wedding in a registry office and spend the 5 grand you saved on a 3 month holiday.

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But I guess you could always change it if you want. People who start a new life in the UK often discard their original name because it is too difficult to pronounce. But another reason might be that it’s a lot easier to integrate if you have a common name.

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The TV is on in most people’s homes, and if you have a child it is really hard to prevent them from being distracted by it. There has been some research recently that suggests you shouldn’t let your little ones watch telly before they’ve reached the age of 2. But surely in terms of learning [...]

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More importantly than that though, is what will we all wear? Isn’t it exciting? We all have to wear smart casual clothes – so that pretty much means a suit for most of the geezers and a dress for the birds. Crucially there’ll be loads of free food and – even more crucially – free drink too.

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Travelling is really about the time you spend travelling. It’s not about sitting by the fire when you’re an old codger and showing pictures of your travels to your grandchildren. It’s about the time you spend there – that time is now – because it’s always now, isn’t it? That means there’s no time, just the illusion of it. But if you do think time exists, you should get some photo books.

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You’d then try and seduce an elegant business woman, by suggesting some love tryst involving a banjo, a bongo and some serious coitus. You’d fail, of course – she’d find the idea most unappealing – and next morning whilst at another tedious business conference you’d see her giving a speech about how she’s going to take over your company and be your boss.

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The thing is he needed someone to be the guarantor for this less common loan type. This, as you have probably guessed, requires someone to guarantee the loan; someone with a good credit rating – and indeed someone who wants to risk their financial reputation for the debtor.

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Yes, it’s true, if you want to show everyone that you’re going to celebrate and you’re willing to pay lots of money for sparkling wine – then Champaign is the ideal way to do it. Joking aside, there really isn’t anything as nice as feeling those little bubbles on your tongue, and the unmistakable taste of those Champagne grapes on your tongue. It’s also great to get sloshed on!

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