So I was thinking about getting caravan actually, you know I got a few quid tucked away; just like my granddad and grandma up in Tyne & Wear – they’ve got a lovely little spot on a farm, with a caravan on it. I just want a modest one, you know, with a gas stove perhaps – but gas has always frightened me. I’d have to get holiday home insurance if I did just in case I blew myself up.

Just like Popeye does in that rhyme – ‘turned on the gas and it flew up his ***’. I wonder if Popeye had holiday home insurance for that eventuality. I think he must have because he appeared in a fair few cartoons following the incident, as is well documented.

I guess I might not survive a gas explosion, but if I did I’d be glad of the money. To buy another caravan. But the truth is, the kind of musty, 1965 super caravan I have in mind might not be insurable. It’s worth a try, I wouldn’t want to start spending windy nights alone up on a hill in my fibre glass gas risk without it. It’s worth shopping around if you are considering getting insured for your clapped out caravan.

If you haven’t yet bought your caravan it’s worth checking that a drunken Brad Pitt with an unconvincing Irish accent isn’t already resident. Because he might go crazy and blow up the gas canister and then you’d have to say goodbye to that caravan before you’ve even started.