The US is a big place, and seems all the bigger when you attempt to cross it in a Greyhound bus (or four). One minute you’re seeing the sun set over a cactus covered Nevada desert, then your eyes open groggily to the sight of snow-capped Colorado mountains. It’s not the most comfortable way to get from LA to New York, but it is the cheapest. And the most dangerous, as it turns out.

I say it’s dangerous because of the clientele that the Greyhound’s modest pricing policy sometimes attracts. I recall having to change buses in Denver, which involved having to queue up in front of the departure doors. But the long time spent waiting at the door had meant people placed their bags in lieu of themselves, while they went off to grab a coffee or perhaps explore Denver. When I arrived at the back of the queue there was just a line of baggage and one lady at the end of it, who was staring blankly at the Weather Channel on a nearby TV. I placed my rucksack on the floor, which turned out to be too close to the lady in question.

“You come anywhere near me Aaam gonna knock you aaaout!” She pointed out.

Upon hearing this colourful protestation I abandoned my bag and went to grab a coffee as so many others had no doubt deemed appropriate – understandably I think. Perhaps the weather forecast was bad?

Later, everyone had returned to their baggage and started boarding the Greyhound. It wasn’t to be a simple process. Some unlucky girl got a bit too close to Knock-You-Out as the queuing commenced, which resulted in her being pinned to the wall by her neck for some time. She squirmed out of her grip. The security guard, who was checking baggage of boarding passengers for bombs and guns (presumably), reluctantly refused entry to the woman, after a great deal of crying and screaming from the Pinned Up Girl.

Many lunatics seem to fly Greyhound, but I’m glad that particular loon didn’t get on the bus. Imagine drawing the short straw and having sit next to her? Weather Channel Eh?.